Dear Father God, You tell us to come to you as little children. I know that means with the innocent trust a child has of their father. But today, God, I feel more like a petulant child, wanting to throw a fit! Wanting to dig my heels in and scream "I don't want to!"
It's been that way almost all week. I know that we cannot just do what we WANT to do! We must do what we need to do, what we have to do, what we should do. Life has purpose and hopefully direction from You. If I were to follow my desires today, and most days of my life, I would truly be lost and definitely not be serving You in any way, let alone giving you any honor. I admit that most days doing what I should do is physically difficult. Some days painful. I would be foolish to say that I don't mind that. My old body doesn't want to do those things anymore. Sometimes I feel like I have earned a 'life of leisure' after 76 years. If I have to deal with a broken and battered body then I should not have to submit that body to more pain and discomfort doing housework, etc. God, my heart truly desires to do those things I should do! But you know my heart fully. I can sit here on this sofa, watching tv and playing games on the computer, completely satisfied! Happy even. The whole while thinking of those things I should be doing. Yesterday I got up and walked around the looking at all that needs to be done and almost immediately felt completely overwhelmed. Not knowing where to begin! So I came back to the computer and tv... comfy in my gown and covered with my snuggie! I do not wish to live this way. I want to live a full and productive life. I want to dedicate my days to You! I want to do everything, from bathing to cleaning, for you! I have always heard that 'cleanliness' is next to 'godliness!' If that is true? I must be as far from you as it is possible to get. My prayer this morning, this Lenten morning, this time of inner searching and heartfelt repentence, is for your help for me to find the motivation, the desire, to do those things I MUST do!! I desire to do them in my mind and heart..... it's my body that doesn't want to move... mostly. Lift me up, God, and support me bodily through those things that will make my days, my life, purposeful and full of achieving the little things that need to be done. In Jesus most Holy and precious name, AMEN Will I be ready, Lord? I don't feel like I will be.
God, this morning I slept too late and all morning I have been hungry! So I've been eating way too much and just sitting here. I want to get up, take a shower, get dressed and go for a walk. But I know that won't happen. I have become a typical 'old' person. Some days I don't even dress, let alone bathe. I watch romance movies on tv, or on the laptop. If I'm not watching them then I am reading romance novels. The only thing I can figure out is that I am lonely! I miss romance in my life. Even though Oscar wasn't very romantic, he did love me. I miss that. Lord, please help me to do what I know I NEED to do! I want to eat less, move more, clean up my house, find something to make more money, at least spend less money... Sometimes it feels as if someone or something has taken over my body, my mind, yes and even my spirit. It's like the inside me is a totally different person than the outside one. Years ago I worked very hard to get the inside me to someone I truly could love, and I did it! I have worked on the outside person also but lately it isn't working. I need a haircut and just don't go get one. I am so sad and frustrated about all this, Lord. I don't know what to do about it. When I look at the things I need to do in my house I feel overwhelmed. Actually, when I think about what I need to do about myself I also feel overwhelmed. I know I need to take baby steps toward my goals. That first step seems impossible. I'm reaching for your hand, God. Please take my hand and guide me, help me, make me do what we both know I need to do!! I ask this in Jesus name, Amen My heart is filled with so much love, Lord. I cannot believe how much I love my furbabies, how much I love my family and friends. How much I still love my beloved Oscar. And yet, Lord, I know I love you even more!! How is that possible? When my heart is so full for those I love here on Earth, and even for people I do not know personally, how can I possibly love more....
The amazing thing is that the more I love others, the more love you give me to share. I will always run out of money, but I will NEVER run out of love! Thank you so much for loving me. Thank you for loving my family and friends. I am soooo blessed. God you are so good and so good to me! In a few minutes I will go to the desktop pc and attempt to pay the bills I owe from the amount of money you have provided for me. You and I both know that I will truly barely get everything covered, if so. Lord I do not need a great deal of money. IF I were blessed with winning a sweepstakes or such, the majority of it would be given away. I only desire enough money to cover the bills I have created myself. Lord, I do know that I am your child and heir to many riches. If it be your will, I ask that you help me, bless me, provide for me enough money to make ends meet, not just wave at each other every month. Confession. I know I am not frugal with the money you have provided. I am not a spendthrift, however I do spend more than I probably should. I do try not to spend on things I don't need. I need Your help with this! Please kick me in the head and heart when I am about to spend money I shouldn't. I am totally not worthy of your blessings. But I know I have your forgiveness and I do not have to be worthy to receive your mercy. For that I am so grateful. Please be with all those I have written down on this blog and if it be your will, heal them in whatever need they have. If that isn't possible please send them strength and courage to handle their troubles.. In Jesus most precious name, Amen All praise to you dear Lord, our Mary is out of ICU! Still praying for her to have a complete healing. Thank you so much for this day, for the lovely weather. I also ask that you be with my little Princess and her family. Not sure why she was not in school today and hoping she's not sick. Also hoping there is no problem in the household. I want to keep that family on my active prayer list.
Also prayers for her teacher Mrs. Glavin who always needs a prayer dealing with first graders. I thank you also that I was able to get up, get dressed and get to the school. I haven't been feeling all that well, as you know. I got some medications for my acid reflux and a hoping that will take care of the problem. Still petitioning for those whose names I have posted on here. As for me? I ask that tomorrow I can find the funds to pay all my bills. Praying all this in the name of your son, my savior, Jesus Christ. Amen Dear Lord, first I want to thank you so much for this glorious day and another start to another month and another chance to be a better person..
God, my dear friend Mary Daniel is dealing with some issues and I ask that if it be your will to heal her from all of them. If that cannot be, please keep her safe in your arms and help the doctors find a way for her to thrive despite the problems. Let them find a way to help her. I am also asking for prayers for all those I have mentioned on this blog before... God you have blessed me with so many wonderful friends and my amazing family. However, many of my friends are dealing with serious issues, whether medical, spiritual, financial, family, or other issues. Mine seem so minimal compared to them. I am so grateful for your healing arms around me and I want all my friends to know your love as I do. Thank you for this amazing sunny day. Help me to feel better and to accomplish much! In Jesus most Holy and precious name, Amen |