What have I been doing? NOTHING! I spend my days either immersed in romantic comedy movies or laying on the bed reading romantic novels. Why you say? Well that is what I've been asking myself.
Why am I doing this? Why won't I get up off my behind and do the things I truly want to do but have been avoiding. I really want to clean my house! But it's so much easier to stay in denial and 'hide' inside the romances of others, even if they are fictional. I am SO LONELY!!
It's not just that I miss my beloved Oscar. I do miss him a lot. BUT, I miss being with someone! I miss having someone loving me, someone to love. I miss being touched and touching. No, it's more than missing... I CRAVE it!
I'm totally ruining my life, one lazy pathetic day at a time.
I keep telling myself, and it is true!, how blessed I am to have so much love in my life! I have internet friends that I have never met that truly love me. I know it and I feel it. I have face to face friends that truly love me. And God keeps filling my heart with His love for me to pass on to others. The more I love other people the more love God provides.
I'm not complaining. God has blessed me so much. I have a really nice house to live in. I have two amazing fur babies that love me and keep me company. I have as much health as I probably can expect at 76 when I sit on my behind all day. I know I am blessed.
I am 76, obese, definitely not pretty anymore, but hopefully not unattractive. But when I look at my body? No man in his right mind would want to be with me. Oh yes, I still crave sex. I have a problem when I hear women say they aren't interested anymore. I am SO interested.
Sure, I'm obsessed with baseball. I have no one to give my love and passion to, so I put it all on baseball. Which makes my winters very cold and lonely.
Right now, at this moment, my heart is aching. It actually hurts as much from my realizing all of this as it does from the loneliness.
Okay, I've had my Epiphany! Now I need to find the courage to work past this!
I cannot do it without God's help!
Dear Lord, please help me to get past my lethargy, my inability to do what I need to do, what I should do. Give me the strength and courage to get up off this sofa, get dressed, and mop floors!! That is a start and the most needed of all I need to do in here.
God I am so grateful for all you have given me, for always providing all that I need. Even when it's not what I think I need.
God bless all my friends and family, be with those who need your healing touch, giving them the courage and peace they need.
I ask all this in the most Holy name of Jesus Christ, my beloved Savior.
Amen